Experiencing the death of a loved one is often the biggest challenge a person faces. Grieving can feel overwhelming and consume every facet of your life. It is during this time that you need the comfort of others the most, and yet social connections often feel strained as your relationships and social network seem to be flipped upside-down.

Here are four ways relationships can shift when you are trying to navigate the loss of a loved one:

1. 1. Your Support System May Surprise You

You may be surprised who steps up in your greatest hour of need. Some of your closest loved ones, those who have been by your side through dating and childbirth and other life dilemmas, may not be able to be there for you during your bereavement. It is often people you’d least expect who show up to hold your hand while you grieve. An old friend you’ve lost touch with, a co-worker you’ve hardly spoken to but who understands the complexities of living with death… these are sometimes the people who help the hurt go away.

2. 2. You Will Feel Angry – And That’s Okay

You will try and understand why your closest friends and relatives seem to have abandoned you during one of the most painful times in your life. But understanding won’t make the pain of it go away.

Yes, it’s important to realize that not everyone can cope with death and loss, including the people closest to you. It’s also important to recognize that feeling this additional pain, and even anger and resentment about feeling abandoned, is totally normal and okay.

3. 3. People Will Avoid You

Losing loved ones is something all of us will go through, but some people cannot handle this reality. Just the thought of a loved one dying is more than many people can bear. Seeing your pain and sitting with you in your time of darkness will force others to look this stark reality in the face. Many people simply can’t do it. If you find that friends and relatives seem to be avoiding you, understand it is most likely because they cannot handle their own fears of loss.

4. 4. You Will Have Something in Common with Others

For most people, it’s hard to understand certain things until they experience it themselves: Having children, running a marathon, getting divorced. Losing a loved one is certainly on this list as well. While your current group of loved ones will try to empathize with you, the reality is that you now belong to a special club and those who you feel close to and understood by may change.

This does not mean you will no longer feel close to those you did before the loss, but it means you have now changed and how you perceive the world and others has changed as well.

Relationships are hard, and they can be more difficult during periods of loss and grief. It’s important that you are gentle with yourself during this time and seek help. Consider joining a support group. Being around those who share your pain firsthand can be a comfort during this time.

You may also want the guidance of a therapist who can help you navigate your complex emotions and offer tools to work through your grief.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

When most people think back to their childhood, they likely recall many memories that involve their parents, as our parents are often the ones who help us develop our sense of self and provide the resources that allow us to have these memories. Our parents also provide the basic needs that help us to survive, such as food, water, and shelter. For children who have recently lost a parent, it can sometimes be hard to understand that this resource they have counted on for their entire lives is gone. Being able to effectively explain this to these children and provide them with support in physical, emotional, and social domains is absolutely vital to the success of their recovery from this unthinkable event.

Grief is often conceptualized using the DABDA model created by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. This model is certainly helpful when recalling the stages that may exist during a grieving period, but it is important to remember that these stages may not necessarily happen in the order they are presented, and these variabilities may especially exist for children. Children may experience anger and depression at the same time, or they may not display bargaining behaviors in the same way that adults do. Further, children may seem like they have reached the acceptance stage when they actually are still experiencing other feelings that they are simply unable to express.

The death of a parent results in a complete shift in the way a child experiences the world. If it’s the loss of both parents, or a solo caregiver, the child may move to another individual’s home or may even enter the Child Welfare System if a suitable caregiver is not found. These abrupt changes in environment can make this time even more complex for a child, and it is important to consider these factors as well when interacting with these children.

There is no “perfect mold” that explains how children experience grief, and individual children will display different feelings at different times. It is important for those close to these children to be especially attuned to the way these children express feelings and to encourage them to get in touch with them. The path to recovery from the loss of a parent is a difficult one, but it can be aided by caring and thoughtful support systems.

If your child has lost one of their parents, therapy is crucial to helping them. Please contact me today to schedule a time to speak to help your family through this challenging time.