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All of us have struggled in our own way to deal with the effects of the coronavirus. But if you are a parent, you most likely have even more concerns about the impact the virus and subsequent lockdown have had on the emotional health of your children. You’ve most likely taken certain precautions over the […]
All of us have struggled in our own way to deal with the effects of the coronavirus. But if you are a parent, you most likely have even more concerns about the impact the virus and subsequent lockdown have had on the emotional health of your children.
You’ve most likely taken certain precautions over the past few months to ensure your family’s health and well-being. You’ve made sure to social distance yourself from others, taking care not to visit with those in your family that are senior citizens.
In stores, you’ve worn your masks and stayed 6 feet away from others, and at some point you probably started to limit the amount of news and social media you consumed, realizing it was making all of you stressed and anxious.
But there is something else your family can do to help ease the burden of the pandemic, and that is to seek therapy from a licensed mental health therapist.
Family therapy provides a safe space for people to talk through any issues the family may be experiencing. One primary focus of family therapy is communication training. If you and your family don’t have the healthiest communication patterns, it can feel devastating when you are all dealing with a crisis such as the COVID-19 pandemic.
Family therapy helps individuals identify and correct any dysfunctional communication patterns. A therapist teaches family members how to listen, ask questions and, most importantly, respond to others in a non-defensive way. This is important for those families who deal with dysfunction on a daily basis, but who are really grappling now during the quarantine.
Even in families who are generally healthy and happy, it can be a very positive experience speaking with a neutral third party and help to shed the stress and concerns you’ve all been having. A therapist can validate your feelings as well as provide helpful stress management techniques.
And, if you have any concerns about how healthy it is to be visiting in person with a therapist, you needn’t worry as therapy can be had online through telehealth. That’s right, simply sit your family around the computer and share how you’re doing with your therapist in a safe way.
If you and your family are feeling out of sorts these days and believe you could benefit from family therapy, please reach out to me. I offer telehealth services and would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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If you asked any of us a year ago what would life be like in 2020, it’s doubtful anyone would have guessed we’d be going through a global pandemic, replete with lockdowns and self-quarantining. At the beginning of the year, some families might have thought of being forced to stay home from work and school […]
If you asked any of us a year ago what would life be like in 2020, it’s doubtful anyone would have guessed we’d be going through a global pandemic, replete with lockdowns and self-quarantining. At the beginning of the year, some families might have thought of being forced to stay home from work and school would be a fun little vacation. But as the weeks and months have passed, we’ve all learned this has been anything but fun.
But how is COVID affecting families? Well, it affects parents and kids and spouses a little differently.
Kids haven’t enjoyed the time off nearly as much as we all initially thought. Disruption to normal routines caused many teens and adolescents to feel anxiety. Add to this being away from their friends, and many young people are also feeling depressed.
Summer vacation for many this year wasn’t as fun as normal as travel has been next to impossible for some families in certain states. Sports teams were canceled, and boredom has set in for many kids, which has led to a lot of acting out and showing mood swings.
The pandemic has also negatively impacted those youths already suffering from a mental health issue, such as those on the autism spectrum. For many of these kids, a disruption of routine combined with cancellation of speech therapy sessions has stalled their progress and caused anxiety.
With some schools opening and some only offering online classes, life is still not back to normal and many kids are simply not able to deal with this crisis any longer.
Parents have, without question, been hit hard by the pandemic. With forced school closures, many parents have had to learn how to home school while also learn how to get used to the “new normal” of working from home.
As if that wasn’t enough, parents have also had to become mental health therapists, helping their children navigate through the fear, anxiety, and depression they are experiencing.
Quarantining and self-isolation have definitely impacted our familial and romantic relationships. When you are locked in a house with your family, things can become chaotic and, well, everyone gets on each other’s nerves. Now forced to live on top of one another, and enduring financial hardships, worrying about health, and educating and organizing the children—just going grocery shopping can add a layer of stress.
Those couples who may already have relationship issues under the surface may find the sudden and intense stress has brought these issues to the surface. This can be a turning point for many relationships: will this current crisis bring us closer or finally drive us apart?
Without question, we are all living under an intense amount of stress and it is affecting us all in different ways. If you and your family aren’t able to handle the stress any longer, it’s important that you reach out and get some help from a family counselor. Most therapists are offering telehealth services, which means you can get the benefits of therapy right over the internet.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
Young children are full of wonder and awe and a lot of energy! They are also full of innocence, which is why it’s important that adults protect them from dangerous situations and unnecessary heartaches. Unfortunately, that isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to divorce. Children of parents who decide to divorce can feel like […]
Young children are full of wonder and awe and a lot of energy! They are also full of innocence, which is why it’s important that adults protect them from dangerous situations and unnecessary heartaches.
Unfortunately, that isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to divorce. Children of parents who decide to divorce can feel like their entire world has been turned upside down.
But how does divorce affect older children? When the children in question are adults themselves, it’s assumed they’ll be unaffected by the news; that somehow because they flew out of the nest and no longer live under the same roof as their parents, they won’t feel their world has been turned upside down.
In the past, the effects of divorce on adult children were not discussed much, but that is now changing. Susan L. Brown, a sociology professor at Bowling Green State University, conducted a study that revealed the divorce rate among people 50 and older has doubled over the past 20 years.
The Effects on Older Children
While adults may be “older” in years, when it comes to child-parent dynamics, most of us never really grow up. We still need our moms and dads for support and we still need our moms and dads to love each other. What happens when that love goes away, or changes significantly?
We call everything we once believed into question.
The strength of our parents’ marriage is a big factor in shaping our young lives and minds. If their relationship wasn’t as strong as we thought it was, what does that mean about relationships in general? What else about our childhood that we thought was true is not true? And what does this mean about our own marriage and relationships? Our we destined to fail at it as well? Is splitting up somehow in our DNA?
For those adult children whose parents waited until they were grown before divorcing, they may now feel guilty that their parents were miserable for so many years on their behalf. Carrying this guilt around, whether justified or not, can feel overwhelming.
It is assumed that our parents will grow old together and take care of each other during their golden years. Once they split, then what happens? Who takes care of them? In many cases, that falls to, you guessed it, the adult children.
And what about the grandchildren? Not only do adult kids have to deal with their own grief and sadness, they also must help their children come to terms with the fact grandma and grandpa are divorcing.
Seek Guidance
If you’re an adult whose parents have split or are currently in the process of getting divorced and you’re having a hard time coping, don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed. Age has nothing to do with feeling sad or lost.
The best thing you can do at a time like this is to speak with someone who can help you sort out your feelings. A family therapist can help you alleviate any guilt and angst you may feel and understand that history doesn’t have to repeat itself. You have the power to make different choices in your own life and relationships.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch with me. I’d love to discuss how I may be able to help you cope during this confusing and overwhelming time.
For many of us, spending time with family can be a grab bag of emotions. While you may feel love and familiarity, there’s also decades-long dynamics between you and your family members that may not be the most healthy. Your family might treat you like the teenager they remember, and you might revert to that […]
For many of us, spending time with family can be a grab bag of emotions. While you may feel love and familiarity, there’s also decades-long dynamics between you and your family members that may not be the most healthy. Your family might treat you like the teenager they remember, and you might revert to that role when you’re around your family without even realizing it.
There could be many things that make spending time with family a challenge. Old family conflicts, harbored resentments, and spoken or unspoken disagreements can make you dread seeing them again. If you have trouble managing your anger when you’re around your family, read on for some tips on how to keep your cool.
Define How You Experience Anger
People experience anger differently. Some might get more aggressive, some might withdraw, and some internalize the anger. By being aware of how you experience anger, you can better recognize when that emotion is starting to develop inside you so you can take control of how you respond.
Rehearse Responses
It’s very common for family to ask intrusive or inappropriate questions. You might have a busybody aunt who always asks about your relationships, or maybe your sister is constantly bugging you about starting a family. Come prepared with rehearsed responses so you won’t be caught off guard.
Set Boundaries
It’s important to set boundaries with family. If a family member is aggressive or rude to you, or is always making you the butt of their jokes, your silence acts as approval of their behavior. Because you don’t protest, they think what they’re saying or doing is fine with you. Furthermore, pretending their bad behavior is acceptable only gives them more room to continue the bad behavior, or to get worse. Set boundaries with family and let them know when things they’re saying or doing is not okay with you.
Cut the Visit Short
Sometimes the best option to keep the family peace (and your sanity) is to spend less time. If your family tends to have snacks or drinks before dinner, show up just in time to join the family for dinner at the table. You can also opt to skip dessert or coffee and leave a bit early.
Family relationships are complex and deep-rooted, and family are often the ones who know best how to push your buttons. While managing your anger can be challenging, learning to maintain control over your emotions is a healthy act of self-love. It will not only keep you sane, but it will keep your family relationships unharmed and intact.
If you’re having difficulty navigating complicated family relationships, a licensed therapist can help. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.
Moving forward after divorce is difficult for everyone, and trying to figure out how to co-parent complicates things even further. Here are some tips to help you co-parent with your ex. Put Your Child First Putting your child first is an absolute necessity for successful co-parenting. Always consider their wants and needs above your own. […]
Moving forward after divorce is difficult for everyone, and trying to figure out how to co-parent complicates things even further. Here are some tips to help you co-parent with your ex.
Put Your Child First
Putting your child first is an absolute necessity for successful co-parenting. Always consider their wants and needs above your own.
Putting your child first doesn’t mean that you stop taking care of yourself. Your child also deserves a parent that’s happy and healthy. Self-care is vital, so be sure to rest, eat healthy, exercise and make time in your busy schedule to do something special for yourself. This way, you give your child her parent at their very best.
The Golden Rule
The best co-parenting relationships have the best communication. To practice the golden rule, share the information you would like, and expect, to have shared with you. Neglecting to share information could risk unintended negative consequences for your child.
For example, if you get your child immunized for school and don’t tell your ex, your ex might also get your child immunized for school. This could have unintended consequences for your child.
If you’re having difficulty communicating with your ex in person or by phone, try text or e-mail.
Be Consistent
Children need structure to feel safe, secure and loved. Therefore, it’s important that you and your ex create a united front for the sake of your child and try to keep schedules as similar as possible. Resist the urge to give in to demands out of guilt: it’s familiarity and routine that will make your child feel loved and cared for.
Accept Differences
Even with the best of intentions, things will not be as perfect as we would like. If your ex lets your kids eat sweets or stay up late, you must learn to accept the different ways your homes are run. If you let go of control you’ll put less anxiety on your children, and relieve yourself of the stress of trying to control something you can’t.
Respect Each Other
Regardless of what happened in your personal relationship with your ex, your ex is still your child’s parent. To that end, you must respect your ex for the sake of your child. Don’t speak ill of your ex in front of your child, and don’t talk to your children about issues or difficulties with your ex.
Although your relationship with your ex didn’t work out, your relationship as co-parents of your child is forever. Let your child feel the love from both of her parents without feeling like she has to choose. A stable home and positive role models will help ensure your child grows up to be a happy, productive adult.
If you need help developing better and more positive communication with your ex, give me a call today and let’s set up an appointment to talk.