Addiction doesn’t just affect those who are abusing drugs or alcohol, it affects everyone around them as well. When a family member becomes an addict, it is often hard to know the right thing to say or how to act around them.

But there are things you can do to help your loved one and yourself during this critical time.

Take Care of Yourself

When a loved one is an addict, much focus and attention is given to their disease and their recovery. But it’s important that YOU take time for your self-care, too.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings. It is your right to feel anger, sadness and even resentment toward your loved one. This is a natural, human response to stress and chaos. And never feel guilty about living your own life and enjoying hobbies and time spent with friends.

Get Support

Peer support groups like Al-Anon will put you in touch with others who know exactly what you’re going through. Attending group meetings can help you understand the disease of addiction and the challenges that your family faces, as well as give you hope that things can get better.

Don’t Make Excuses for Their Behavior

Addiction to drugs or alcohol results in two things: poor behavior and memory loss. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, alcohol can cause discernable memory changes after just one or two drinks. The more people drink, the more they forget. Some drugs work in the same way. This memory loss makes it difficult for the addict to know and feel the consequences of their behavior.

Addiction often causes problems for the addict. You might be tempted to fix these problems, but doing so can hinder your loved one’s recovery.

Don’t Offer Drugs or Alcohol to Your Loved One

This seems obvious, but people who have substance abuse issues often use language that confuses their loved ones. For instance, someone with an alcohol addiction is celebrating their birthday and thinks it’s okay for them to have one beer to “celebrate.” “Come on, just one beer… it’s my birthday!” An addict with a “splitting headache” may insist they be given a Vicodin instead of Tylenol.

Family members must understand that addictions are brain disorders and the addict is incapable of moderating their use. When they have access to their substance of choice, they will take full advantage. Part of your job is to not enable them.

Get Professional Help

Substance abuse is, without question, a disease, and without professional help, your loved one may not recover. While there are things you can do to support your loved one on their road to recovery, your family will need counseling from a trained therapist.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment for substance abuse, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

It can often be difficult knowing how to navigate a relationship that is tainted by addiction. Often, loved ones are told that helping an addict means creating codependency, and that the best thing to do is show some “tough love,” even if that means walking away.

But is this really true?

Is there a better way to relate to a friend or family member who is struggling with addiction? Is there a form of love besides “tough love” that can help us help our loved ones?

Recent research has found that loved ones can play an important role in an addict’s recovery. While loved ones can’t change their addicted friend or family member, there are things they can change about themselves that will benefit the relationship.

The most significant thing a person can do is to become more compassionate toward their loved one struggling with addiction. Compassion is key to recovery as it allows a person to love a friend or family member without condoning (enabling) their behavior.

Why Compassion is so Powerful in Recovery

When we offer a loved one genuine compassion, we voluntarily join them in their suffering and give them profound gifts that can be catalysts toward real healing and recovery.

Being compassionate means:

We See Them

Compassion allows us to really see our loved one and the suffering they are going through.

We Hear Them

All humans need to be heard, but those with substance abuse issues often feel they go unheard. Compassion allows us to talk less and listen more.

We Validate Them

To see and to hear are not enough, we must also let our loved ones know they have a right to express their pain, anger, sadness, or any other emotion they are feeling. Too often, friends and family members ignore or minimize their loved one’s suffering. Compassionate helps us validate the person.

We Comfort Them

Whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional pain, sufferers need to be comforted. Compassion guides us and helps us provide our loved ones with comfort through a loving touch, knowing glance, or a few kinds words.

It is also incredibly important to be compassionate toward yourself during your loved one’s recovery. Self-compassion asks that we treat ourselves kindly; that we see, hear, validate and show ourselves the same comfort we show our loved one. 

If you or a loved one is suffering with addiction and interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.