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It’s almost fall, which means store shelves are stocked with low-priced notebooks and markers and glue, et al. Soon the familiar brake hiss of school buses will be heard in neighborhoods across the country as kids head back to school. While some kids begrudge alarm clocks and mountains of homework, they still look forward to […]
It’s almost fall, which means store shelves are stocked with low-priced notebooks and markers and glue, et al. Soon the familiar brake hiss of school buses will be heard in neighborhoods across the country as kids head back to school.
While some kids begrudge alarm clocks and mountains of homework, they still look forward to school; to enjoying friendships and new activities. Some children, however, have a real fear of going back to school. They worry about potential bullying or even violence at school. Some have trouble coping with social pressure, while others feel overwhelmed at what they will be expected to learn.
If your child is feeling stressed at the thought of going back to school, here are some ways you can help:
Ask Them What’s on Their Mind
Some kids might voluntarily share any worries they have about going back to school, but many won’t. If your child is keeping mum, ask them how they’re feeling about school starting up again.
Older kids and teenagers often shut down when questioned about, well, anything really. So try to make a leading statement like, “Seeing your friends every day will be cool. But I’m guessing there is stuff that you might not be looking forward to…” Then wait for a response.
If they don’t respond, try again the next day. Eventually, they will open up to you, and when they do, the important thing is not to say the exact right thing but to simply listen, show interest and concern, and never judge.
Get Them Involved
To some children, summer means a taste of freedom, of making choices for themselves, while school means little or no autonomy. To help counter this feeling, get your kids involved in decision-making at the very beginning.
Hold a “going back to school” family meeting, and make sure there are no media distractions like smartphones or TV on in the background. Discuss the year ahead, plan and set schedules for meals, homework, sports, school activities, and bedtime. Write these plans down and stick a copy on the fridge.
Talk About Bullying
Kids of all ages worry about bullying, so it’s important to bring up the topic. You could make a simple statement, something like, “Bullying is really common and it’s never OK, nor is it the victim’s fault when it happens. If anything happens to you or you see it happen to someone you know, I want you to tell me about it. We can make a plan together of how to handle it.”
Then there are those children who worry about starting school because they have issues with anxiety and depression. These children need help from a professional therapist who can uncover where the issues are coming from and offer tools and resources for coping in the real world.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
For their children to succeed as adults, many parents think they’ve got to be involved in numerous extracurricular activities. Perhaps we believe this abundance of activities will foster a sense of pride and accomplishment. But is this excessive involvement in activities doing more harm than good? According to a study published in the journal “Sport, […]
For their children to succeed as adults, many parents think they’ve got to be involved in numerous extracurricular activities. Perhaps we believe this abundance of activities will foster a sense of pride and accomplishment. But is this excessive involvement in activities doing more harm than good?
According to a study published in the journal “Sport, Education, and Society,” the social demands of an extracurricular-heavy schedule are not only placing an unprecedented strain on families, but also potentially harming children’s development and well-being.
The researchers interviewed 50 families of primary-aged children and found that 88% of the kids were involved in extracurricular activities four to five days a week. These activities were the central focus of family life, especially in households with more than one child. As a consequence, families were spending less quality time together and children were exhausted.
The researchers from the journal “Sport, Education, and Society” were quick to warn parents of the potential negative impact of an over-stuffed school schedule: “Raising awareness of this issue can help those parents who feel under pressure to invest in their children’s organized activities, and are concerned with the impact of such activities on their family, to have the confidence to plan a less hectic schedule for their children.”
Helping Your Child Find a Balance
In order for extracurricular activities to do more good than harm, parents have to make sure family time takes precedence. Here are some ways you can help your child find a balance:
Let Kids be Kids
Make sure there is enough non-structured time for kids to express themselves in creative ways. This freedom allows children time for the joy of self-discovery. Adult-organized activities can restrict this natural inclination.
Recognize the Importance of Family Time
As I mentioned, the study found that too many kid activities lead to a major strain on family time. Other studies have shown the importance of family bonds to a child’s development and well-being. While you may initially feel hesitant in taking your child out of some of their activities, just remember the benefits of spending more time as a family.
Talk to Your Child
Don’t decide which activities stay and which go without first getting input from your child. He or she should be able to help decide the activities that bring them the most benefits and joy.
Nowadays, kids and adults can find themselves juggling way too many responsibilities. It’s important for all of us to slow down, relax, and spend as much time as we can as a family. If you’re looking for an expert to help your family come together again, please reach out to me today.
Sources:
https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/05/15/too-many-extracurricular-activities-for-kids-may-do-more-harm-than-good/135388.html
https://psychcentral.com/news/2016/12/01/parents-should-not-put-too-much-pressure-on-kids/113269.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200301/are-we-pushing-our-kids-too-hard
It’s easy for adults to forget what adolescence was like. The frustrations of figuring out the sometimes-foreign world around us combined with the cocktail of raging hormones that set our emotions off at the drop of a hat. Man, being a kid was hard! What can make an already-hard situation even harder for a young […]
It’s easy for adults to forget what adolescence was like. The frustrations of figuring out the sometimes-foreign world around us combined with the cocktail of raging hormones that set our emotions off at the drop of a hat. Man, being a kid was hard!
What can make an already-hard situation even harder for a young person is being “different” in some way. For young people who identify as LGBTQ, school bullying can be devastating. Rumors, gossip, name-calling, or unwanted sexual jokes or comments can make learning and socializing incredibly difficult. Homophobic bullying can affect a young person’s confidence and well-being.
Here are 4 ways parents can support their LGBTQ child should they become the victim of bullying:
1. Listen
Listen to your child and offer your support. This means validating their feelings and letting them know it is 100% okay to question their sexual orientation or gender identity.
You WANT your child to WANT to talk to you. So, when they do, give them your full attention and support.
2. Work with Your Child’s School
Any bullying incidents should be reported to your child’s school immediately because they have a professional and legal responsibility to keep your child safe. Work with school administrators to develop a safety plan and encourage the school board to include specific written protections for LGBTQ students in its bullying prevention policies and student codes of conduct.
You will also want to keep a written record of all bullying incidents as well as follow-up meetings, locations, witnesses, and what was said and/or done.
3. Contact the Police
Should your child be physically threatened or hurt, sexually assaulted, or had their personal property damaged or stolen, immediately contact your local police. If the police in your area has a hate crimes unit, contact them after your report has been filed, and tell them you believe the incident to be a hate-motivated crime based on your child’s actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. Using your notes, describe in detail the incident that has caused your child to feel unsafe.
4. Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Being the victim of bullying can put a significant dent in your child’s self-esteem. It’s important that you help them develop their strengths and talents by creating opportunities for them to excel. This could mean signing them up for a sport, dance classes or helping them discover what hobbies they enjoy and excel at.
Bullying can be a very disturbing experience for anyone, particularly youths who are simply searching for their identity and sense of belonging. Finding the most helpful way to support your LGBTQ child during such a time can be challenging in and of itself, and many parents find it helpful to work with a family therapist who can support the entire family in finding ways to deal with the situation.
If you or a loved one have experienced bullying and would like help, please contact me today.
There was a time parents wondered at what age they should have “the talk,” with their child. You know, the one about the birds and the bees. As society has changed and gender and sexual issues have become prominent topics, many parents now wonder how young is too young to talk about things like gender […]
There was a time parents wondered at what age they should have “the talk,” with their child. You know, the one about the birds and the bees. As society has changed and gender and sexual issues have become prominent topics, many parents now wonder how young is too young to talk about things like gender identity with their child.
The first thing that needs to be understood is that discussing gender identity is NOT the same thing as discussing sexual intercourse. Gender is not about sexual orientation (whom you are attracted to) but about how people connect with one another and orient themselves in the world.
So how should you talk to your kids about gender identity? While there is no right or wrong age to have this conversation, here are a few guidelines to keep in mind that will help make it go smoothly.
Be Comfortable
In order to talk comfortably about this topic, you’ve got to first make sure you are comfortable with the language and concepts of gender identity yourself. It will help if you can familiarize yourself with some people who are transgender.
You most likely know about Caitlyn Jenner, but search the Internet for other stories of real people. Here is a young transgender girl named Jazz. Her story might give you some important insights that will help you talk with your own child.
Be Open Minded
While some children may go to their parents with questions about gender simply because of things they’ve seen or heard outside of the home, others will have questions about themselves. Parents should never make assumptions about their child’s gender identity based on their interests or activities.
For instance, because a boy likes playing sports doesn’t mean that he doesn’t identify as a girl and vice versa. So, for instance, when discussing a topic like, “who do you have a crush on at school,” be open minded and ask if it’s a boy or a girl. Whatever their answer is, your child will appreciate that you accept them no matter what.
Be Prepared
Before giving a presentation or going for an important job interview, most people practice and make sure they know what they are going to say and how they are going to answer questions. While you don’t want to come off as robotic with your child, you do want to look and act very comfortable. Your child will definitely pick up on any discomfort you may be feeling.
For this reason, you may want to have practice conversations with friends or family. You may find you have friends who are also preparing to have the same conversation with their child. Use each other to practice on.
Seek Help
Some families may find it beneficial to work with a family therapist, who can facilitate clear, honest communication.
If you and your child would like the added support of a neutral third party who can guide the conversation toward positive outcomes, please get in touch with me today.
The LGBTQ movement has made some landmark strides in the past decade. The “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” policy was repealed, health insurance discrimination has been prevented, and same-sex marriage has been legalized nationwide. This, in combination with greater awareness and visibility of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people in society and the media, […]
The LGBTQ movement has made some landmark strides in the past decade. The “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” policy was repealed, health insurance discrimination has been prevented, and same-sex marriage has been legalized nationwide. This, in combination with greater awareness and visibility of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people in society and the media, has helped LGBTQ teens find the courage to come out to their families and friends.
Though it is easier for teens to come out today than in generations past, that does not mean they do not need support, and plenty of it. Here are a few important ways you can support LGBTQ teens in coming out:
1. Encourage Authenticity
There are different levels of coming out. Some teenagers may find the courage to say the words, yet still have a hard time fully expressing themselves. If left unchecked, this muted self-expression can lead to anxiety and depression down the road. Try to find ways to let young people in your life know they can be 100% authentic around you.
2. Help Create Safe Spaces
Take a look around your local community to see if there are safe spaces for LGBTQ youth. If not, what can you do to change that? You might want to consider contacting school board officials and encourage them to adopt inclusive policies. Another way to ensure your community is safe for LGBTQ teens is to not tolerate hate speech. There are also many resources online that offer the best practices in creating safe spaces for LGBTQ youth.
3. Join the Fight
Though the LGBTQ movement has come a long way, there is still much that needs to be done to ensure full LGBTQ equality. You can join the fight and stay up-to-date on local, state and federal advocacy.
If you know an LGBTQ teen who needs some extra support and encouragement while coming out, you might suggest they speak with a professional counselor who can facilitate communication with family members and also offer coping tools and strategies.
In the United States, one in three women and one in six men will experience some form of sexual abuse in their lifetime, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC). When sexual abuse happens, many people don’t know how to cope with the event or express their feelings in a healthy way. The result is […]
In the United States, one in three women and one in six men will experience some form of sexual abuse in their lifetime, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC). When sexual abuse happens, many people don’t know how to cope with the event or express their feelings in a healthy way. The result is a life of feeling fear and shame as well as experiencing depression and anxiety. NSVRC reports that 81% of female victims and 35% of male victims will develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
What is EMDR and How Can it Help?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR, is a psychotherapy technique that has been successfully used to treat people who suffer from panic attacks, anxiety, PTSD, and other emotional issues. Before EMDR, these issues would be treated through cognitive behavioral therapy alone. While this treatment can be successful, it often takes many, many sessions for maximum relief.
EMDR, on the other hand, has been considered a breakthrough modality because it can bring quick and lasting relief from a variety of emotional distress.
When we experience trauma, such as sexual abuse, the natural coping capacity of our brain becomes overwhelmed and we experience the symptoms of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Through EMDR therapy, people can reprocess traumatic information until it is no longer psychologically disturbing to them or disruptive to their lives.
What is a Typical EMDR Therapy Session Like?
While EMDR will use an integrative approach to therapy, it also focuses on some unique techniques. In particular, the patient will perform a series of lateral eye movements while, at the same time, focusing on various aspects of the traumatic memory.
These left – right eye movements form a “bilateral stimulation. The therapist may use other bilateral stimulations including alternating bilateral sound using headphones and alternating tactile simulation using a handheld device that vibrates or taps to the back of the patient’s hands.
It is believed that EMDR induces a fundamental change in the circuitry of the brain, similar to what happens during REM sleep. This helps people integrate and understand memories within a larger context of their own life experiences.
But EMDR is more than a set of techniques. It is a way for all people to understand their own human potential. Beyond the reprocessing of traumatic events, EMDR also allows individuals a glimpse of any limiting false beliefs they may be holding onto, such as “I’m not good enough.”
In this way the therapy not only helps people move through big, traumatic events in their past but also smaller chronic ones that color their perception of themselves their world. This can ultimately lead to significant positive change in their lives.
If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual abuse and is interested in exploring EMDR treatment, please be in touch. I would be happy to discuss how this technique may be able to help you.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/somatic-psychology/201303/trauma-childhood-sexual-abuse
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/complex-trauma-emdr-can-help-but-its-no-quick-fix-0425165
https://www.emdrhap.org/content/what-is-emdr/
If you find yourself struggling to fall or stay asleep, you’re not alone. Insomnia, the chronic inability to get sufficient sleep, is a common problem affecting millions of Americans. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2014 study, more than a third of Americans aren’t getting enough sleep on a daily basis. With […]
If you find yourself struggling to fall or stay asleep, you’re not alone. Insomnia, the chronic inability to get sufficient sleep, is a common problem affecting millions of Americans. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2014 study, more than a third of Americans aren’t getting enough sleep on a daily basis.
With a lack of sleep at the root of serious medical conditions like obesity, high blood pressure and heart disease, getting a decent amount of sleep on a regular basis is crucial to a long and healthy life. Here are five things you can do to change your routine and start getting to, and staying, asleep.
1. Just Two Things in Bed
Make sure that your bed is used only for two things: sex and sleep. By using your bed almost exclusively for sleep, your body will associate your bed with rest and relaxation, making it easier to fall asleep.
2. Exercise Regularly
Getting regular exercise (the recommended thirty minutes a day, five days a week) will help you promote healthy sleep habits. Your post-exercise temperature may promote falling asleep, and exercise in general will help eliminate insomnia by decreasing arousal and anxiety.
3. Naps, Caffeine, & Alcohol
Short naps are helpful for some, but for others it impacts their ability to fall asleep. If you’re struggling with insomnia, avoid naps during the day. Caffeine, a known stimulant, may keep you up longer than you’re aware. You may need to avoid caffeine entirely if it prevents you from falling asleep. And, while alcohol is a sedative, it can disrupt your sleep; so if you have trouble staying asleep, avoid alcohol.
4. No Screens Before Bedtime
Screen time, such as computers, smart phones and television, prevent you from falling asleep due to cognitive stimulation. Too much light at bedtime affects your melatonin production, giving your body the impression that its staying awake, not ready for sleep. Help your body get ready for sleep by eliminating screen time at least two hours before bed.
5. Create a Nighttime Routine
Creating a regular nighttime routine will help your body get into the habit of winding down and relaxing as it prepares for sleep. Create a nighttime routine an hour or two before bed. Maybe have a glass of warm milk, brush your teeth, change into your pajamas and read a book every night before bed. Make sure you go to bed around the same time every night too, including weekends.
Changing old habits and establishing a new routine is never easy. But as you make changes and sustain new practices, it will get easier. Before long you’ll have a new set of healthy habits, and you can finally settle in for a good night’s sleep.
Are you struggling with insomnia and need help maintaining healthy sleep habits? A licensed professional can help. Call my office today and let’s schedule an appointment to talk.
Our daily lives can get so busy. Obligations to work and family, as well as taking time to care for ourselves, can often make us forget to have a little fun. If the hustle and bustle of modern life has caused you to neglect your playful side, a weekly game night may be just what […]
Our daily lives can get so busy. Obligations to work and family, as well as taking time to care for ourselves, can often make us forget to have a little fun. If the hustle and bustle of modern life has caused you to neglect your playful side, a weekly game night may be just what you need.
A game night will not only bring you laughter and enjoyment, but it will help you spend quality time with your friends and loved ones. But with so many commitments and so little time, you might be wondering if it’s worthwhile to take time out of your busy schedule to play? If so, read on for five ways a weekly game night will benefit you and your mental health.
1. Improves Relationships
Playing games with people you care about will not only improve relationships because you’re spending quality time, but it will actually strengthen those relationships through biochemistry. As you spend time close to loved ones, your body releases oxytocin, a hormone that creates feelings of trust and intimacy, strengthening your relationships.
2. Relieves Stress
Playing games induces laughter, and as the saying goes, “laughter is the best medicine.” Laughter is a very simple way to help your body produce endorphins, a neurotransmitter that will reduce your perception of pain and lead to feelings of euphoria, modulating stress and anxiety.
3. Relieves Anxiety and Depression
Spending time with friends or loved ones can make you feel significant and more important; this causes your serotonin to flow more. Serotonin will boost your mood, helping to regulate any anxiety or depression.
4. Improves Sleep
As you enjoy yourself with friends around the table, laughing and interacting with them, you will naturally reduce the levels of cortisol in your body, reducing stress and helping you sleep more soundly. You’ll also exert energy as you play, which will tire you out at the end of the day and help you fall asleep faster.
5. Makes You Happy
Having fun releases your natural “happy chemicals”, or hormones, that impact your mood. When you’re laughing and having fun, your body releases dopamine, serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin. These hormones will naturally make you feel happier, both in the moment and in the long-term.
As you plan out your week with teacher conferences, work meetings, and lunch dates, make sure you schedule in a little time for fun. You’ll be glad you did.
Are you looking for guidance and encouragement to make your life more fulfilling and meaningful? A licensed mental health counselor can help you make changes and work towards achieving your goals. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.
Moving forward after divorce is difficult for everyone, and trying to figure out how to co-parent complicates things even further. Here are some tips to help you co-parent with your ex. Put Your Child First Putting your child first is an absolute necessity for successful co-parenting. Always consider their wants and needs above your own. […]
Moving forward after divorce is difficult for everyone, and trying to figure out how to co-parent complicates things even further. Here are some tips to help you co-parent with your ex.
Put Your Child First
Putting your child first is an absolute necessity for successful co-parenting. Always consider their wants and needs above your own.
Putting your child first doesn’t mean that you stop taking care of yourself. Your child also deserves a parent that’s happy and healthy. Self-care is vital, so be sure to rest, eat healthy, exercise and make time in your busy schedule to do something special for yourself. This way, you give your child her parent at their very best.
The Golden Rule
The best co-parenting relationships have the best communication. To practice the golden rule, share the information you would like, and expect, to have shared with you. Neglecting to share information could risk unintended negative consequences for your child.
For example, if you get your child immunized for school and don’t tell your ex, your ex might also get your child immunized for school. This could have unintended consequences for your child.
If you’re having difficulty communicating with your ex in person or by phone, try text or e-mail.
Be Consistent
Children need structure to feel safe, secure and loved. Therefore, it’s important that you and your ex create a united front for the sake of your child and try to keep schedules as similar as possible. Resist the urge to give in to demands out of guilt: it’s familiarity and routine that will make your child feel loved and cared for.
Accept Differences
Even with the best of intentions, things will not be as perfect as we would like. If your ex lets your kids eat sweets or stay up late, you must learn to accept the different ways your homes are run. If you let go of control you’ll put less anxiety on your children, and relieve yourself of the stress of trying to control something you can’t.
Respect Each Other
Regardless of what happened in your personal relationship with your ex, your ex is still your child’s parent. To that end, you must respect your ex for the sake of your child. Don’t speak ill of your ex in front of your child, and don’t talk to your children about issues or difficulties with your ex.
Although your relationship with your ex didn’t work out, your relationship as co-parents of your child is forever. Let your child feel the love from both of her parents without feeling like she has to choose. A stable home and positive role models will help ensure your child grows up to be a happy, productive adult.
If you need help developing better and more positive communication with your ex, give me a call today and let’s set up an appointment to talk.
According to the International OCD Foundation, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is “a mental health disorder that affects people of all ages and walks of life, and occurs when a person gets caught in a cycle of obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are unwanted, intrusive thoughts, images or urges that trigger intensely distressing feelings.” While the definition […]
According to the International OCD Foundation, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is “a mental health disorder that affects people of all ages and walks of life, and occurs when a person gets caught in a cycle of obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are unwanted, intrusive thoughts, images or urges that trigger intensely distressing feelings.”
While the definition seems straightforward, a surprising number of people have misconceptions about the disorder. Here are 3 of the most common things people get wrong about OCD:
1. OCD is Common
Though the term “OCD” has become very common, the actual disorder is not. In fact, OCD affects only 1% of adults in the United States. The misconception lies in the fact that so many people claim to or believe they have the disorder.
How many times have you heard a friend or coworker say, “Oh my God, I am so OCD when it comes to xyz?” Odds are they are not. What they mean to say is they are “very particular when it comes to xyz.”
2. OCD is Reasonable
If OCD were reasonable, it would not be a debilitating issue for the percentage of the population it affects. It is reasonable to want to wash your hands, and wash them really well, after touching something dirty. Wanting clean hands is reasonable.
It is reasonable to want things on your desk arranged how you like them. And if someone accidentally knocks into your desk and disperses your cup of pens and pencils, it is perfectly reasonable to rearrange them to get them “just so.”
People who have OCD have triggers that are totally unreasonable.
Reasonable trigger: Washing your hands diligently because you just touched something slimy and unidentifiable in the office lunchroom.
OCD trigger: Spending an hour or more during the day ensuring your vintage magazine collection is arranged by color because if just one of them is out of order, you’re unable to move forward with your day to day life.
OCD triggers are extremely powerful and emotional. Individuals inflicted with the disorder develop rituals to make certain that other rituals have been carried out completely. This is why someone must insist they wash their hands 50 times. The washing ritual typically has nothing to do with having clean hands but rather is an effort to avoid tragedy and chaos.
Washing your hands because you want them clean is reasonable, but OCD triggers are not.
3. People Can “Get Over” OCD with a Little Willpower
Resisting OCD impulses is vastly different than resisting eating an entire bag of Doritos in one sitting. Just as it takes coping skills (and not just willpower) to deal with substance addictions on a daily basis, it will take the same to live with but not submit to the intrusive thoughts of OCD.
A therapist can help those afflicted with the disorder deal with their obsessions in healthy ways so they don’t spend hours each day completing unreasonable rituals.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.